Soldiers' kids getting support

By MARK NEWMAN Courier staff writer

November 14, 2007 11:59 pm

— OTTUMWA — Listen to children, talk to them about their deployed parents and be honest. Those are some of the suggestions for working with youngsters who have a military parent deployed overseas.
Brenda Rhoads is the guidance coordinator for the Ottumwa school district. At Pickwick Elementary School, there are three youngsters whose parents are with the 833rd in Iraq, and the children participate in Rhoads’ “support group.”
Second-grader Dalton Handling said Rhoads is someone he can talk to. And teachers have discovered a way for him to have someone else to talk with: another second-grader. Tessa Troxel’s father shipped out with the same unit, so they put Tessa and Dalton together in the same class.
Now the two have become friends and are able to talk together. Teachers know about the children’s situation, said Rhoads, and are available to listen or help when needed.
Rhoads brings the support group together once a week, sometimes more. Tessa, Dalton and kindergartner Drake Handling, Dalton’s brother, are the three students at Pickwick who meet with her.
“If you don’t have a family member in a deployment-type situation, you have no idea what they’re going through,” said Rhoads. “Then, you see it through the eyes of a child, the ups and downs they have to endure, and the sacrifices they have to make.”
Meeting with a school counselor can help when missing their parent, or when they worry about their mom or dad getting hurt.
“That child doesn’t click it off when they come to school — it’s in the back of their mind, worrying about their parent’s safety,” Rhoads said. “If they’re having a bad day, and it’s on their mind, they know they have a place to talk about it. They can vent.”
Activities and alternate ways of expression are important to children because the younger the child, the more limited their vocabulary, she said. That may make it harder to express what they’re feeling: frustration, worry or anger.
But there are also positive emotions, like pride, that can create a “roller coaster” of feelings that children need to work out.
“They’ve got... the support system at home [and now] they know they’ve got it at school,” Rhoads said.
Still, there are times they can’t help missing their family members.
Dalton said when that happens, “I go down to my mom’s bedroom and I cry.”
So what makes them feel better?
“Talking to Dad,” said Drake.
“Or seeing him on the computer,” added Dalton.
They type back and forth. And Dalton helps out by typing on behalf of their 3-year-old sister. Dalton said their father and the family can see each other over the Internet, but cannot hear each other.
“I always check to see if he’s on,” Dalton said.
Besides private talks and activities, Rhoads has guided the little ones in two school-wide activities.
A bulletin board with letters, newspaper articles and camouflage uniforms reminds the building that citizens of Ottumwa are thousands of miles away, fighting on behalf of the United States.
“This has been such a boost for them,” said Rhoads, “the bulletin board and then the penny drive. These children know there’s empathy for their situation.”
The penny drive is an effort by every grade at Pickwick to bring pennies and other change to class. The money is collected and will allow the children of deployed parents to hear each others’ voices by telephone.
“Everyone feels like it’s a group effort. There’s a pride in knowing you’re contributing to this effort to show the families our appreciation for their sacrifice,” Rhoads said. “It’s a lesson in civics, in citizenship, in respect.”
Mark Newman can be reached at 683-5358 or by e-mail at mgnewman@mchsi.com.

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