The Ottumwa Courier

Columns

August 15, 2013

A relaxing summer movie

Popcorn and a movie can hit the spot

OTTUMWA — Matt and Elaine arrive at the Ottumwa 8 Theatre after dinner at Applebee’s and buying some paint at Sherwin-Williams.

It’s been a stressful week and a relaxing summer movie is on the agenda.

Standing in line, Matt reads through the movie list. “Let’s watch something relaxing. Something to take the go-go work stress away. What have we got?”

Elaine: “World War Z. It’s an American apocalyptic horror movie. Hmm.”

Matt: “World War Z? This whole week was an apocalyptic horror movie. No. We’re not seeing that!”

Elaine: “Alright, alright. How about White House Down? It’s about a capitol policeman getting turned down for his dream job of protecting President Jamie Foxx. He doesn’t want to tell his daughter and so he takes her on a tour of the White House and the place is taken over by a heavily armed paramilitary group. So, with the nation in chaos, he saves the president, his daughter and the country.”

Matt: “That old plot again? Didn’t they attack the White House in Olympus Has Fallen? How many times can they blow Washington, D.C.?

“I told you I wanted to relax tonight. Does the world have to end in every summer movie plot? Next!”

Elaine: “OK, how about Pacific Rim? It’s a sci-fi thriller where Earth is under attack by these colossal monsters. So humanity unites with ...”

Matt: “Next! This is unbelievable!”

Elaine: “How about After Earth? Earth’s gone!”

Matt: “No! You see what’s happening here? You can’t top the Earth ending and every huge-budget movie is trying to top each other. The Earth ending is starting to get kind of boring, don’t you think?”

Elaine: “Yeah, it kind of is, now that you mention it. How about some human interaction?”

Matt: “Of course! Human interaction! People love human interaction!”

Elaine: “I’d heard a lot of these blockbuster movies where the world was ending were bombing and the lower-budget niche movies were getting more bang for their buck.”

Matt: “Look, I just need some popcorn! What else is there?”

Elaine: “Gosh, you’re so picky!”

Out-of-idea sequels

Elaine: “How about one of these sequels? We’ve got Smurfs 2, Despicable Me 2, Planes, it’s the third Cars movie, Grown Ups 2, Red 2, Thor: The Dark World, it’s a Thor sequel, Kick-Ass 2, The Wolverine, it’s a Wolverine sequel, The Hangover: Part III and Fast & Furious 6.”

Matt: “I can’t watch those! I never saw the first ones. I’ll be lost! Remember how confused I was with Home Alone 2.”

Elaine: “Yeah, I think Hollywood has officially run out of original ideas. They’re so out of touch with the rest of the country.”

Matt: “OK, we’re at the front of the line, choose something!”

Elaine: “How about Sack Lunch? This family gets shrunk down and has to live in a sack.”

Matt: “Now you’re talking! Two tickets for Sack Lunch please.”

Ticket lady: “That’ll be $16.02.”

Matt: “Are you serious? ‘Two for $20’ at Applebee’s ended up to be $31, and now movie-priced treats!”

Elaine and Matt shuffle  up to the movie concession stand. After 10 minutes ...

Matt: “One medium popcorn and one Coke please.”

Elaine: “Did you see that CBS story that said  ordering a medium popcorn and soda combo at a typical movie theater chain is equivalent to eating three McDonald’s Quarter Pounders with 12 pats of butter?”

Matt: “Make that a Diet Coke!”

Matt and Elaine search and stumble their way into the dark Sack Lunch theater just in time for the previews of all the other “End of the World” movies.

The preview noise sounds like a war zone: BaaBoom! Shhllaabamm!    Kaboom! “They killed his friend! They framed him! They messed with the wrong guy!” Whaam!! BaBoom! The movie preview voice explains the plot through the explosions.

Matt and Elaine continue trying to have a conversation through it.

The previews keep exploding: BOOM! SHHuuuBANG!

Elaine: “WHAT?”

Matt raises his voice significantly now.

Elaine: “Geez! You don’t have to shout!”

Finally the movie starts. Sack Lunch isn’t all it’s crumpled up to be. Some people are shrunk and they live in a sack.

About 1,500 calories and milligrams of sodium later, a sensory-overloaded, half-deaf Matt and Elaine lumber out of the theater.

Elaine: “But, I just wanted that ‘in-the-theater’ experience!”

Matt: “OK, we’ll invite some strangers over, have some tall people sit in front of us, pour some sticky pop on the floor to step in and turn it up to ‘jet sound.’”

Elaine: “Alright! It’s not the end of the world! Let’s just stop somewhere,  relax and watch a game!”

Matt: “Sounds good.”

1
Text Only
Columns
  • Bullying IS personal

    October 25, 2013

  • 0928 OTT gourds color -T What about fall? Is it just me, or is Christmas coming earlier every year? I feel like I find myself asking this question annually. Now, I love the holiday season, putting up the tree, hanging stockings, shopping for and wrapping presents, Christmas carols and all th

    September 27, 2013 3 Photos

  • Big votes coming up Ottumwans planning to vote in the upcoming city primary and general elections have a couple times left to watch or attend a City Council session. You should, especially if you haven't been keeping up with city issues. Prior to the next council meetin

    September 17, 2013

  • Don't forget the band The other night as the Ottumwa Bulldogs prepared to open their season, I could hear the sounds of another group preparing for their first night of the season. It was the Ottumwa marching band. As I watched them warm up for the game, I thought about w

    September 6, 2013

  • It's time to get smart Now is the time for all good men and women to come to the aid of their community. Have I written this before? Perhaps. But it needs stating again and again and again. Ottumwa voters have two important elections approaching: Ottumwa school board seats

    August 30, 2013

  • From Disney to debauchery

    August 30, 2013

  • Saturday Night Live Saturday night liveliness is more like it. Little Max entertained his grandmas in fine fashion during a weekend supper planned by his parents. "We let him sleep so he'd be ready to party," Scott laughed as little Max laughed with his dad. Katy held h

    August 23, 2013

  • 0821 OTT chelsea mug -T Jumping off a mountain It's hard to believe tomorrow is my last day in Ottumwa. As some know or have heard through the grapevine, I've accepted a position as a reporter for The World, a newspaper in Coos Bay, Ore. Friday morning, my mom and I begin the 2,000-mile, 31-hour

    August 20, 2013 1 Photo

  • A relaxing summer movie

    August 15, 2013

  • Late-night TV blues & reviews

    July 29, 2013

Obituaries
Record
Facebook
AP National