The Ottumwa Courier

March 6, 2013

Sequester really a comedy of errors


OTTUMWA — Wow ... I woke up this morning and found that the sky had not fallen and that our great nation was indeed ... still intact. How could this be? The Great Leader (Obama) swore that the world as we know it ... would end. He told us that a whooping, screaming, humongous, unbelievably really big 2 percent federal budget cut ... would be our undoing.

The entire “sequester” fiasco was nothing less than a really ... REALLY ... bad third-rate comedy of errors. Obama was relying on the same LIV’s (low information voters) who elected him to a second term to continue their support into the land of complete delusion. After all, endless lying had always worked in the past ... why should this be any different?

It all began to unravel for Obama when Bob Woodward made his dramatic entrance ... just last week. Woodward, the famed investigative journalist from the Watergate/Nixon era, had the audacity to jump the leftist mainstream media tracks ... and attack Obama with the simple truth. He “boldly” pointed out that Obama himself ... had originally came up with the entire “sequester” idea ... and was now blaming the GOP. The one-two punch came when Woodward told the world that an Obama staffer had threatened him with a email ... saying that he would “regret” his actions.

Now, the Great Leader finds himself in a terrible fix. He’s facing an emboldened GOP ... and even worse ... his “useful idiot” followers may soon discover that running our government leaner ... has no real negative effects (A very real problem for any good Socialist/Communist leader).

For this very reason ... I’ve decided to ride in on my white horse ... and save the day for Obama. I’ve devised a plan that would save his socialist face ... and cut our budget even further. Its simple, really: Fire EVERY federal worker making $100,000 or more. It fits Obama’s “social justice” and “leveling the playing field” mantra ... perfectly. We rid our nation of thousands of “rich” evil people ... and let the REAL people keep their own money.

The only resistance to this plan would be from Congress and Obama himself. And, I’m already ahead of them; since they make the laws ... simply pass a new law ... exempting Congress and the president ... from being fired ... or taking a pay cut (keeping a few corrupt morons on the payroll is a small price to pay ... for saving the nation).

Ed Dursky