The Ottumwa Courier

November 28, 2012

Peaceful resolution to second Civil War


submitted

OTTUMWA — Our first Civil War claimed 620,000 lives. Today our nation is at the same point that it was back in 1860. We’re deeply divided on very basic ideological issues ... and the level of anger, from both sides, bares a striking resemblance to that era. Based on today’s population ... we can expect that at least 6.2 million Americans would be killed in the second Civil war.

A few days ago I read a proposal that offered a peaceful resolution to what many of us see as being inevitable. It was a simple proposal of “divorce.” To keep things simple: “We” will refer to those of us who are Constitutional conservatives that believe our founding fathers were right; “you” will refer to Obama voters.

Property: The nation will be geographically divided amongst red and blue states (because I live in Iowa ... and Iowa is now purple ... there’s a good chance that I’ll have to move elsewhere). Because Washington, D.C., isn’t a state ... we will retain it as our capital. You can build your capital in San Francisco. Because you hate war ... we keep the military. Because you hate capitalism ... we keep the businesses. Because you hate big oil and coal ... we’ll keep them too (have fun in your windmill-driven mini-cars). We keep “The Battle Hymn of the Republic” as our National Anthem. You can use “Kum Ba Ya” or “We Are The World.” For obvious reasons ... we keep all the guns, too ... since you’ll just outlaw them anyway.

Dependents: You keep the welfare recipients. We keep the nation’s producers. You can have today’s mainstream media. We’ll begin anew with real journalists ... doing real journalism. You can keep the U.N. We’ll just stay to ourselves ... thank you very much.

Religion: We’ll keep Christianity. You can embrace Islam, Scientology, political correctness and Hollywood.

Stipulations: We hate financial bailouts ... so understand that you will be on your own. When your enemies attack you (and they will) we will come to your defense ... but only because of your close proximity. We will be claiming any and all lands that we win in war.

We can do this the easy and peaceful way ... or the hard way. It is up to us!  

Ed Dursky

Ottumwa