Resolutions rarely work.
People make the same promises every year. I’ll work out more. I’ll eat better. I’ll spend more time with family and friends.
Let’s give ourselves a fighting chance. Let’s make some realistic resolutions this time around. Here are my 10 resolutions for 2013:
• Have a Quentin Tarantino movie marathon. Pulp Fiction? In Love. Inglorious Basterds? On repeat. Django Unchained? Obsessed.
• Expand my repertoire of impersonations. I have Tom Brokaw, Cartman from South Park and Mary Katherine Gallagher down pat. Who’s next? Michelle Obama? I’m going to need to work on my arms.
• Hone my slow-cooker skills. My mom got me a slow-cooker cookbook for Christmas, and I am determined to successfully complete every one of those recipes. It’s going to be all types of “Julie & Julia” in my kitchen.
• Perfect the A.C. Slater dance. Gangnam Style, Dougie and The Carlton -- no problem. Now, Mario Lopez, it’s dance battle time.
• Go one day without giving myself whiplash while shifting gears in my little car, dubbed “Putt Putt.” I’ve had that silver devil for nearly two years, and while I’ve come a long way from stalling in high-speed Kansas City traffic and sobbing every time I see a steep hill, I still have my days.
• Puppies. That’s it. Just give me a big basket of puppies.
• Keep up with best-selling books more. Keep up with the Kardashians less.
• Buy a full-length mirror and give myself a once-over before leaving for work. I showed up at one event this year with a huge wad of price tags and stickers unbeknownst to me on the back of my shirt. Needless to say, I was the image of professionalism that day.
• Start watching all of the movies and TV shows in my Netflix queue. Despite putting “Mad Men,” “The Artist” and “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” in there, I return time after time to my favorite episodes of “The Office.” Dear coworkers, watch where you keep your office supplies. Someday they might end up in Jell-O.
• Finally, I think it’s time to part with my fear of the dark. Ever since a particularly frightening episode of “Are You Afraid of the Dark?” when I was little (obviously the answer was “Yes”), the nooks and crannies in my bedroom and the popping sound of my steam heat turning on in the winter make me nearly jump out of my skin every night.
What are your new year’s resolutions? If you make them, make them attainable. If you don’t, just keep on keeping on.
Happy New Year, everyone. I hope it’s a good one.
Resolutions rarely work.
- Local News
- Meeting TodayOttumwaQuincy Avenue Reconstruction Project public information meeting, 5:30 p.m., council chambers, City Hall.
- Iowa hogs Negotiated 2,394 2,185 4,592 6,360Other Market Formula 11,084 7,744 9,481 13,206Swine or Pork Market Formula 53,800 32,627 34,265 43,359Other Purchase Arrangement 16,740 14,865 13,900 21,009Packer Sold (all purchase types) 7,336 2,540 4,165 3,415NEGO
- Jury begins deliberations DAVENPORT — The fate of a Wapello County man accused of killing his wife is in the hands of a jury in Scott County, which began deliberations Wednesday and will continue deliberating today.The jury began deliberations about 4 p.m. Wednesday in the ca
- Van Buren says bye-bye to Waste Management KEOSAUQUA — Waste Management has been charging the Van Buren Community School District an average of nearly $1,600 a month to remove waste and recycled materials from the Douds and Keosauqua centers. Now faced with a bidding process, Waste Management
- Prosecution: All evidence points to Techel as killer DAVENPORT — Just as all roads lead to Rome, so all evidence points to a Wapello County man accused of killing his wife, according to the prosecution. Assistant Attorney General Andrew Prosser, who is prosecuting the case for the third time, said defe
- Pesticide use is not all bad OTTUMWA — When you pick up a grocery ad, it seems like every other page has a produce item stamped USDA Organic, meaning that those items were spared from chemicals including Glyphosate, the most common pesticide in the world. As the Organic Food Mov
- Kitchen science sparks curiosity OTTUMWA — A lucky group of children spent Wednesday morning experimenting with kitchen science and creating geysers of foam at the Knights of Columbus hall. The Kitchen Science performance was presented by Waterloo's Grout Museum and is part of the O
- Making something of themselves OTTUMWA — Community leaders this week heard how Ottumwa's Job Corps started from nothing yet became successful. But they also heard from students who said they were doing nothing until they found success through Job Corps. "After I dropped out of hig
- New charges filed in abuse case OTTUMWA — A single charge against a man for sexual abuse has been replaced by a new trial information, and authorities are throwing the book at him. Grant Troxel was initially charged in early June with sexual abuse. But the new list of charges indic
- Tip led to Tuesday arrest OTTUMWA — There was more to the incident Tuesday in which officers surrounded a car near U.S. Bank in downtown Ottumwa than just a routine traffic stop. Police Chief Tom McAndrew said Jason Tobek, 36, is in custody and faces charges of interference w
- More Local News Headlines